Day 2
Love Practices Courtesy –
In Marriage
The young
marriage was struggling, which made no sense because the couple loved the Lord,
were best friends and were also very much in love. The wife wanted more time and attention. The husband seemed to not want to be told
that. The wife struggled with loneliness
and a degree of fear; the husband was passionate about his work.
The wife tried
to talk with her husband about her needs.
She tried to follow all the “fair fighting” rules. He felt accused. After yet another fruitless conversation (she
would have called it a fight), after yet another restless night spent on the
couch, she finally began to hear the Holy Spirit speaking within her. “Forgive him, and stop fighting.” Words memorized in childhood played through
her mind. “Love is patient and kind. .
.it is not arrogant or rude. . .. It
does not insist on its own way.” Nothing
changed immediately.
She began to
think about some of the things he’d said about how she spoke to him that made
him feel accused. She began to think
about how people tend to relax around those they love the most and feel the
most comfortable, but with that relaxation often comes a freedom of speech that
is less than considerate. She thought
about how, at the beginning of their friendship, he said he appreciated her encouragement. In a word, she was POLITE.
She gave up her
agenda for more time and attention. She
began to focus on speaking to him as politely as she spoke to those in her
world she knew less intimately.
“Please,” “excuse me,” and, maybe most importantly, “thank you,” were
phrases she began to intentionally practice.
Focusing specifically on “please” and “thank you” began to shape her
thinking as to what he was doing RIGHT.
She began to focus on encouraging him and being thankful for who he was
and what he did right, and he began to respond with increased affection and
attention.
Good manners,
consideration, are ways that we DO love.
Even when our needs are legitimate, being demanding and
self-seeking/self-oriented in any relationship is wearing on the other person,
and being rude is dehumanizing to the other person. Rudeness and selfishness drives others from
us the same way most of us shy away from rude people. Rude speech and behavior says to the other
person, “you aren’t as valuable as I am.”
God made each of
us in His image. Jesus died on the Cross
for each of us, to redeem us if we believe.
God so loved the world. . .. If
we truly believe this, then every person is equally valued by God, and we can
choose to affirm value by using kind words, or we can devalue a person, and the
God who made him or her, with disrespectful speech and behavior.
Rudeness has a
way of giving birth to outright meanness, and can provoke a violent
response. Kindness and politness shows
honor for the person God made, and for the God who made that person. Consideration shows love in ways that other
people can see, hear and feel.
Questions for Reflection
How could
marriages be impacted by the attitude described in today’s devotional?
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What are some
places in your life where love’s courtesy could make a difference?
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Based on the devotional, write out a prayer for today:
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